His Time, Not Mine

In despair, I toss another negative pregnancy test into the trash. Why Lord, when I believe You've promised me a baby? It's been three years! Three years of negative tests.

In despair, my husband and I drive home in the middle of the night from the hospital. The miracle pregnancy ended in a stark and sterile room just hours earlier. Why Lord, WHY?! You promised!

In despair, my husband and I wait to hear from the adoption agency. Still waiting. A year. Eighteen months. Two years! Why, God, why? You led us on this path, we followed in obedience. Why does the Romanian government shut down adoptions? You could stop them from doing this!

My empty arms ache for a baby to love.

A baby somewhere aches for a mother's arms to cuddle her. 

Lord, don't you care?

Then.

Then suddenly. The call.

Time to travel, time to go, passports ready, tickets purchased, nursery decorated, diapers packed.

Two airplanes, three countries, one train. 

And there she was.

And she was mine. And I was hers.

I needed her. She needed me.

She needed me so much more than I had ever, ever in any single day of that five year wait, she needed me. Her tears and longing so much greater than mine could ever have been. She - this child, this very child - she needed me.

And God?

He was right on time. 

Now.

Forgiven for not trusting Him, for kicking and screaming, for thinking a baby was all about "me."

Thankful for hard lessons learned, thankful for dying to self, thankful for a God who is bigger than anything I could ever think, dream, imagine.

Thankful for this girl. Elizabeth. "God's Promise."

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ.

2 Corinthians 1:20

Mary

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